Tuesday, August 25, 2009
Promises
Who among us caregivers hasn’t made the well-meaning promise, “I will never put you in a nursing home” or, “I will always take care of you.” As the primary or secondary caregiver, we meant what we said at the time. We felt that there was nothing that would stop us from caring for our loved one until the end. As diseases progress we may be finding that their needs are more than we can handle, yet we still hear the echo of the promise and try to abide by it. We try what ever we can to keep them at home until a crisis with them or our own health is in such a decline that the promise must be broken. No two people have the same breaking point. For some it may be, “I will do it when they no longer know me”, for others it is when they become incontinent. These are just two reasons that drive the admission for a loved one. Whatever the reason we will still second-guess ourselves and feel guilty for having to break our promise. This is where our emotions take over and blur our judgment. Because we felt, we would always keep our promise we didn’t bother to do any prior research on facilities or daycares. As difficult as it may be we must begin to lay the groundwork so that we are prepared if that day comes.
Saturday, August 1, 2009
Review
Book Review: Reflections For a Caregiver by Jo Kemp
This is a reprint (with permission) of a book review I did for www.caregiving.com site. I reviewed "Reflections For A Caregiver" by Jo Kemp. What follows are our questions and her answers.
Caregiving.com: Did the book meet your expectations?
Ann: "Reflections For A Caregiver" by Jo Kemp exceeded my expectations! When I first received the book, my heart sank because it is very thick and appeared daunting. I wasn't sure I had the patience to read a big book on caregiving, since caring for my mom and dad already takes so much time. When I opened the book and saw it was a series of short daily reflections with an affirmation, I relaxed. I immediately started reading the reflections, finding help with each one.
I was also concerned because it's directed at caregivers with family members with Alzheimer's, which is not my circumstance. But I found the vast majority of the topics apply to me.
Caregiving.com: What did you like? What would you like to see more of?Ann: I love that you can read it in bites. You can pick it up and open it and read a short, 1-page reflection with affirmation. Or you can read it by the calendar date, as the book is laid out. I continuously skipped around, looking for topics that are meaningful for me in the moment. I was happy to see there is an index in the back where you can find a particular topic that you need help with - which is how I would read it.
Caregiving.com: How did you feel when you finished the book?Ann: Affirmed, supported, fully human and accepting of my strengths and shortcomings as a caregiver. I also feel good knowing that my shortcomings as a caregiver are not unique to me and are a part of the universal caregiving experience.
Caregiving.com: As a family caregiver, what's most useful to you about the book?Ann: It addresses the full range of topics one faces as a caregiver, from the good (topics like Hope and Imagination) to the bad (Grump Days - we all have them) to the ugly (Emotional Exhaustion, Bitterness, Death). It approaches each topic with love and grace and an understanding of how difficult, frustrating, rewarding and spiritually fulfilling caregiving is.
Caregiving.com: What suggestions can you offer the author which would improve the book?Ann: The only suggestion I would possibly have would be to add quotes from family caregivers. But that is a very small suggestion about a very good book.
Caregiving.com: Would you recommend this book to other family caregivers? Why or why not?Ann: I would highly recommend this book as a reference book that sits on your bedside table to read before you start the day or at the end of the day - whenever you feel the need for a little emotional support. I'm giving it to my mom to read, since she is also caring for my 91-year old father who has terminal cancer. My mom, at 89, is of a generation where you didn't talk about your feelings. This book will help her understand all of her feelings are normal and human.
This is a reprint (with permission) of a book review I did for www.caregiving.com site. I reviewed "Reflections For A Caregiver" by Jo Kemp. What follows are our questions and her answers.
Caregiving.com: Did the book meet your expectations?
Ann: "Reflections For A Caregiver" by Jo Kemp exceeded my expectations! When I first received the book, my heart sank because it is very thick and appeared daunting. I wasn't sure I had the patience to read a big book on caregiving, since caring for my mom and dad already takes so much time. When I opened the book and saw it was a series of short daily reflections with an affirmation, I relaxed. I immediately started reading the reflections, finding help with each one.
I was also concerned because it's directed at caregivers with family members with Alzheimer's, which is not my circumstance. But I found the vast majority of the topics apply to me.
Caregiving.com: What did you like? What would you like to see more of?Ann: I love that you can read it in bites. You can pick it up and open it and read a short, 1-page reflection with affirmation. Or you can read it by the calendar date, as the book is laid out. I continuously skipped around, looking for topics that are meaningful for me in the moment. I was happy to see there is an index in the back where you can find a particular topic that you need help with - which is how I would read it.
Caregiving.com: How did you feel when you finished the book?Ann: Affirmed, supported, fully human and accepting of my strengths and shortcomings as a caregiver. I also feel good knowing that my shortcomings as a caregiver are not unique to me and are a part of the universal caregiving experience.
Caregiving.com: As a family caregiver, what's most useful to you about the book?Ann: It addresses the full range of topics one faces as a caregiver, from the good (topics like Hope and Imagination) to the bad (Grump Days - we all have them) to the ugly (Emotional Exhaustion, Bitterness, Death). It approaches each topic with love and grace and an understanding of how difficult, frustrating, rewarding and spiritually fulfilling caregiving is.
Caregiving.com: What suggestions can you offer the author which would improve the book?Ann: The only suggestion I would possibly have would be to add quotes from family caregivers. But that is a very small suggestion about a very good book.
Caregiving.com: Would you recommend this book to other family caregivers? Why or why not?Ann: I would highly recommend this book as a reference book that sits on your bedside table to read before you start the day or at the end of the day - whenever you feel the need for a little emotional support. I'm giving it to my mom to read, since she is also caring for my 91-year old father who has terminal cancer. My mom, at 89, is of a generation where you didn't talk about your feelings. This book will help her understand all of her feelings are normal and human.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
