caring for caregivers

Promises

2009-08-25T07:16:00.001-07:00

Who among us caregivers hasn’t made the well-meaning promise, “I will never put you in a nursing home” or, “I will always take care of you.” As the primary or secondary caregiver, we meant what we said at the time. We felt that there was nothing that would stop us from caring for our loved one until the end. As diseases progress we may be finding that their needs are more than we can handle, yet we still hear the echo of the promise and try to abide by it. We try what ever we can to keep them at home until a crisis with them or our own health is in such a decline that the promise must be broken. No two people have the same breaking point. For some it may be, “I will do it when they no longer know me”, for others it is when they become incontinent. These are just two reasons that drive the admission for a loved one. Whatever the reason we will still second-guess ourselves and feel guilty for having to break our promise. This is where our emotions take over and blur our judgment. Because we felt, we would always keep our promise we didn’t bother to do any prior research on facilities or daycares. As difficult as it may be we must begin to lay the groundwork so that we are prepared if that day comes.

Review

2009-08-01T07:39:00.000-07:00

Book Review: Reflections For a Caregiver by Jo Kemp

This is a reprint (with permission) of a book review I did for www.caregiving.com site. I reviewed "Reflections For A Caregiver" by Jo Kemp. What follows are our questions and her answers.
Caregiving.com: Did the book meet your expectations?
Ann: "Reflections For A Caregiver" by Jo Kemp exceeded my expectations! When I first received the book, my heart sank because it is very thick and appeared daunting. I wasn't sure I had the patience to read a big book on caregiving, since caring for my mom and dad already takes so much time. When I opened the book and saw it was a series of short daily reflections with an affirmation, I relaxed. I immediately started reading the reflections, finding help with each one.
I was also concerned because it's directed at caregivers with family members with Alzheimer's, which is not my circumstance. But I found the vast majority of the topics apply to me.
Caregiving.com: What did you like? What would you like to see more of?Ann: I love that you can read it in bites. You can pick it up and open it and read a short, 1-page reflection with affirmation. Or you can read it by the calendar date, as the book is laid out. I continuously skipped around, looking for topics that are meaningful for me in the moment. I was happy to see there is an index in the back where you can find a particular topic that you need help with - which is how I would read it.

Caregiving.com: How did you feel when you finished the book?Ann: Affirmed, supported, fully human and accepting of my strengths and shortcomings as a caregiver. I also feel good knowing that my shortcomings as a caregiver are not unique to me and are a part of the universal caregiving experience.

Caregiving.com: As a family caregiver, what's most useful to you about the book?Ann: It addresses the full range of topics one faces as a caregiver, from the good (topics like Hope and Imagination) to the bad (Grump Days - we all have them) to the ugly (Emotional Exhaustion, Bitterness, Death). It approaches each topic with love and grace and an understanding of how difficult, frustrating, rewarding and spiritually fulfilling caregiving is.
Caregiving.com: What suggestions can you offer the author which would improve the book?Ann: The only suggestion I would possibly have would be to add quotes from family caregivers. But that is a very small suggestion about a very good book.
Caregiving.com: Would you recommend this book to other family caregivers? Why or why not?Ann: I would highly recommend this book as a reference book that sits on your bedside table to read before you start the day or at the end of the day - whenever you feel the need for a little emotional support. I'm giving it to my mom to read, since she is also caring for my 91-year old father who has terminal cancer. My mom, at 89, is of a generation where you didn't talk about your feelings. This book will help her understand all of her feelings are normal and human.

What caregivers are saying

2009-06-01T06:56:00.000-07:00

What a heartfelt book for Alzheimer's caregivers. I deeply appreciated this book as my grandfather has Alzheimer’s and I work part-time in a nursing home. This book needs to be sitting at the nursing home for the staff to read.
This book really helps one to keep caring for our loved one in a kind manner and uplifts our spirit. At this time, we all need that.
Thank you to the author Jo Kemp for this book. One Word......TREMENDOUS. Jo Kemp has a tremendous gift of being able to understand, empathize, and communicate the day-to-day trials and tribulations of a caregiver. I recommend reading this book from cover to cover the first time and then using as a comforting guide on those days you really need to know that someone understands and wants to help. On those days, you need help with just "Starting Your Day” or "Prioritizing" and don't forget about "Personal Time" and "Self Love".
Jo Kemp's Reflections for a Caregiver is a tiny voice of reason when you need encouragement or are feeling blue coping with the challenges of Alzheimer's disease. Each day contains a thought or message that is thought provoking and introspective. Very encouraging, supportive insights on every day thoughts and feelings. The wisdom and inspiration contained within are priceless.
Thank you so much for sharing your talents and giving all of us the gift of your book.

Reviews for Reflections of a Caregiver

The beauty of this book is that the wisdom contained in the daily messages relate to everyone, not only caregivers. I purchased this book to help me understand my parents declining health. They do not have Alzheimer’s but the encouragement in the book made me realize that everyone needs to read this. I bought a copy for my 80 year old mother and she keeps it by her bedside and says the messages provide her with an uplifting message everyday. She then purchased a copy for a friend who is an Alzheimer’s patient caregiver who told my Mom that the book has been like a best friend during some lonely times. I would recommend this book to everyone who wants a positive, encouraging message regardless of their situation…Denise Atkins

Caring for the Caregiver

2009-05-22T13:56:00.000-07:00

Just because we know, what caregivers need to do to stay healthily does not mean that we will always be able to convince them to do it. We continue the litany of take care of you first, ask for help, do not get over tired, and take a time out. All this sounds wonderful but getting the caregiver to do any of these things is almost impossible. We know the statistics, and what could happen to those 45 million caregivers if they do not heed the warnings. We do not give up on assisting the caregiver and yet many caregivers may never follow through with what would prove to keep them healthy and free from depression. The question becomes are we doing enough?

How the book came to be

2009-05-12T08:49:00.000-07:00

After working with hundreds of caregivers I realized there was an overwhelming need for daily support and encouragement. I have a passion for all caregivers but especially for those who care for a person with Alzheimer’s and related dementias. Working with caregivers and being a caregiver has given me insight as to what caregivers needs really are. I know that some days are a struggle and they do not know if they can go on. I know that caregivers have many needs but the simplest is being heard and loved. It is written for all caregivers who sometimes feel alone and consumed in their caregiver role, in hopes that it gives them the courage to reach out. More than anything I want caregivers to know: you are doing a great job; it’s more than ok to take care of your self first, asking for help is the right thing to do, you have nothing to feel guilty about, you have the right to take pride in what you do, Know that the decisions you make are in the best interest of your loved one.

So many caregivers have shared their lives with me. They have let me in on some of their deepest thoughts and desires. Together we worked on coming up with solutions that would be workable for them. It is my hope that through this daily read book you can find knowledge and peace of mind. You can use each days read as a guide to problem solving or as a vehicle for reflections. The wisdom is not all mine, but is that of the many caregivers that shared their journey with me. Working for the Alzheimer’s Association for seven years gave me the opportunity to follow my passion of helping caregivers. I believe that caregivers should receive all the physical, emotional, and spiritual help available. This book addresses a topic in a short form and at the same time empowers caregivers to keep up their good work.

In reference to the person, you are caring for; the words loved one is used. The mention of God refers to the highest power as he affects your life.

Although this book is written for family caregivers, it is my hope that every facility, adult day care, hospital and any place that works with Alzheimer’s patients, will keep copies handy for their staff to read. Professional caregivers experience many of the same feelings and fears that family caregivers do.

Maya Angelou says, “The idea is to write it so that people hear it and it slides through the brain to the heart” It is my hope that this book will do just that.

The book can be purchased at amazon.com

2009-05-11T13:59:00.000-07:00

Working on the blog site with my son. Leaving Michigan tonight and flying back to South Carolina. Always nice to visit but also nice to go home.